Today was a day that was most noticeably sent by my Team. With a late start, the doorbell rang, and the phone repairman arrived without warning after I had requested phone service last night (the lines went down with the garage leak). His name was Phillip, and I thought of my friend Ming right away.
At the same time, the cleaning service arrived. I had to apologize to them. Last Monday, I had intended to leave the water off to the house, and also, I couldn’t leave a voicemail, to cancel, so I sent an email instead. Well they showed up and the water had been left on all day in the house, creating even MORE damage! I confronted the manager. She called the people. They defended themselves. I got angry and I said, ‘DON’T COME BACK!’
I apologized last night. I explained how when I tried to cancel I was at work, my patient had coded earlier and now has anoxic brain injury, their mailbox was full…and this was the FIFTH leak in my home in five years. I asked for forgiveness, and if they would still have me, I would love to have the team clean my house.
Imagine my surprise when it was Ofelia and Isabel, you haven’t cleaned my home in years since Isabel had breast cancer. And there was one more person too. (the house is REALLY nice today–my team does excellent work.)…
Then at my work, even though everything went okay, and I finished early, I was called on the carpet for some other things:
- I had sent an ‘it’s not safe’ email to my boss and the OR people, about a new suite where we do general anesthesia often. I had relieved someone, and it was a nightmare the set up I had walked into. I knew from the technicians who help us, that nobody liked it, it was scary, and someone had to speak up. So without hesitation, I wrote a very nice letter, praising the place, asking for changes, and offering to help raise the standard of care. It got forwarded to the wrong hands, and made a political nightmare; I actually thought perhaps ‘I shot myself in the foot’ when I hit ‘send’. So my boss and the Number 2 in command told me it’s not cool to write these things, they walked me there, they humiliated me by showing me how ‘other people do it’, etc. I apologized again and again.
- My boss also needed to talk to me about how yesterday I was called in to work on an emergency, but once I arrived I was told I wasn’t needed. I can’t tell you more. But it’s a BIG problem, and my boss needed all the information I could give about the times, etc. Fortunately, a senior partner had me write a note in the patient chart that ‘I was there’…so it’s out of my hands. I actually LIKE the surgeon I was to work with, and I did my best to smooth things out. I told him how I actually lost money–the gas and the other expenses–by being called in and not being able to work.
- AT work we need to do computer training. Getting people to sign up is really hard, way worse than other social functions (can you imagine four hours of mandatory training that are not paid?) So I explained to my boss and showed him how I am getting the sign ups before the next ‘Big Meeting’ on Thursday, so ‘we will look good’. I apologized one more time about the first ‘dot’ topic, and he said, ‘don’t worry about it’.
This was something new that was the result of the Light Box–I sensed it. To burst out in tears like that at the suffering. I see suffering every day, I have to live with it, in my work.