On the way to work this morning, Ross and I spoke about tonight, out ‘date night’. Anthony is with his father.
Ross said he would plan tonight, and asked what I would like to do?
I said staying in is fine with me, as I work so much, but whatever he has in mind would be nice…I am really looking forward to spending time with him, and discovering what his interests are. Enjoying his company. He is always so pleasant and upbeat.
He asked, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
I thought about it, and said, ‘Only if it is right’–I was looking forward more to the time with him, and no matter what, it would be a great night just us two.
Ross was most pleased with my response–this is part of my area of soul growth I have made MUCH accomplishment..
I am a recovering ‘kitten’. Just with the Monarch ways, things ‘imprint’ or ‘stick on you’ from your past life. I was a Monarch, isolated, never saw the light of day child ‘prostitute’–and died at age nine or so I think.
My first sign of this was when I went with a girlfriend after my recent divorce to a sex shop for the first time.
Something deep inside me ‘connected’ with the bondage section, and I really felt comfortable and at ease with it, and I couldn’t explain why. I had never seen anything like it up close, only in the movies…
Recovering from being a kitten isn’t easy because your thoughts about sex are all mixed up. It’s what you are trained to do, and everything in your world you experience through it.
In this life I had a brutal attack at age four, from some neighborhood boys, that helped me to ‘redirect’ my life path before it ever ‘kicked in’. But even still, my parents noticed something ‘different’ about me–possibly after the attack–and they enrolled the family at a nudist camp, which worked beautifully to make me healthy in every way.
The only thing that was left wasn’t so much a bad thing, but in relationships I was always very physical.
In some deep way, for me, Relationship equals Sex.
That was before I met Ross and got where I am today. Now I realize Sex is a spiritual connection as well as a physical one, and there is a whole lot more to life to enjoy in relationship, than sex sex sex.
I couldn’t get it–no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the physical and the attraction and the relationship and the heart and the spiritual all to ‘match’…for my whole life, until Ross.
Incarnate angels are of a different vibration, and they don’t ‘mix’ enough to feel ‘satisfied’ when they are incarnate on earth.
Something is always missing.
Do you think Ross would leave it at that? Lesson learned? Let’s move on?
Nope. He sent me a double test, just to prove it!
Take That In Your Pipe And Smoke It
Ross had me write that today for him, and I almost CHOKED!
And not with delight.
I’ve hated marijuana since those hippies used to smoke it with daddy at the nudist camp in the front yard of our cabin. They all got all giggly, they were ADULTS, and at six I thought it was really, well, now I can say it as an adult, well, I’ll tone it down and say it is WHACK–instead of the other word I had in mind.
Daddy used to go into his room and smoke it, and a giggly daddy wasn’t fun. The room would stink, and I’d see the stuff, and I hated it. He did it maybe three or four times where I saw, and I absolutely positively HATED everything and anything to do with it.
When Daddy grew a plant in the back yard, because mom said, ‘It was pretty’, my sister and I poured bleach into the roots to kill it when no one was looking.
We knew it was illegal, and really, really were upset about our parents breaking the law.
This was white blue collar in the seventies…
Fast forward to the year 2004. I start dating Anthony’s father. I really really liked him for his psychic gifts and spiritual ways, and his intelligence. Not to mention we had a common memory of a shared past life, and I thought, ‘Hallelujah this time we get to make up for the past and get it right!’
Well, like most young men in the area, from surfers to just about everyone else, Jared enjoyed lighting up.
At least I could see what people liked about it–intense bonding feelings and LOVE–but with my asthma, it really didn’t make sense for me.
So at work, after writing for my Beloved, ‘take that in your pipe and smoke it’ I meet ‘the real deal’–we are talking someone who is under the influence and smells like it right before surgery.
And that ‘male’ had a significant other ‘lady’ who was just as ‘gone’ as him.
Couldn’t even keep the conversation going…I was professional, and did my best to be strong with the requests for all kinds of very strong medication even before the case…and politely and firmly say, ‘in a little while you will get it’.
There is a policy in effect, a recent one, where I have to help push the patient to the OR. So I went to the bedside, said hello while opening the curtain, and saw the ‘lady’ giving oral sex to the ‘man’ and both of them jumping and covering up while I interrupted them.
There was no apology, only a question of ‘do they have underwear for men here?’
I stood at the head of the bed, waiting for the nurse who I assumed would follow, and with the elaborate goodbyes the couple french kissed for about five minutes in front of me. The nurse STILL didn’t arrive, so I couldn’t take it any more! I said, ‘I will go and find the nurse!’
We came back together, both very LOUDLY announcing our presence…
In all my years I have seen couples doing it in the hospital bed, but NEVER EVER EVER in pre-op holding with the flimsy curtains and so many people around!
My Galactic Assessment Of This Lesson
- sex can be like a drug I was once, as a kitten, highly involved in it. There are sex addictions. These people here gave me the gift to SEE this lesson, up close, and once and for all.
- The Puritan Effect we as a society are taught sex is bad
- Respect for Others children are not equipped with the part of the brain to understand sexuality–it, like their sex organs–develop later in time. (this is what we are taught in medical school). So we develop a ‘right place for it’ and consider others to be ‘PDA’ and say to the couple, ‘Get A Room!’
- There Is No Jealousy Like the Ancient Hawaiians, Galactics are very open to sexuality, and envision monogamy as a ‘can’ but not a ‘must’…in Hawaii, children as young as eight were permitted to explore their sexuality, and most couples knew how to conceive for pregnancy or avoid it while having sex.
- Ability To See Others’s Views Most of the colleagues were shocked at my story. Some imagined how ‘other anesthesiologists in our group’ would react, from the nervous, to the ‘knock it off!’. It made me laugh. But it was unanimous the LAST one in the group to have experienced it should have been me. LOL. The guys kind of laughed and thought it funny. The RECOVERY ROOM nurses saw the whole pattern between the couple (this time they were fighting) and were piecing together a pattern of ‘entitlement’ across the medications, the service provided, and even asking for a voucher for a ride home. Their faces said it all, how draining it was to be taking care of people who are essentially, of a different ‘vibration’ than our usual ones…and the vibrational mismatch of one dimension or more makes people on both sides of the mismatch uncomfortable…
- Acceptance THIS was MY lesson. I did the best I could. I was very shaken though. I felt dirty, violated, and nervous for the rest of the day.
- Gratitude I NEEDED this lesson, to prove that just like with marijuana–sex can be mishandled by people with addictive personality. And in other ‘hands’, it can be a spiritual tool, as well as a part of life. (By the way, one post I had about marijuana rankled Wes Annac so very much–he actually wrote a counter-blog to it! It was my greatest ‘being noticed’ I ever had online at the time!)