Destroying The Veil
I had taken it off, and I am stomping on it below my feet. I never want to experience it again.
I do energy work with many like-minded readers. It’s my passion, my calling.
However, when I needed to go through my most serious inner-work, I had to go it alone. It’s always the same–I go somewhere, for some reason, that usually isn’t why I am sent. Sometimes it’s to connect with the land. And other times, to do massive energy work with the people.
This time it was to do a little of that, and to conquer my greatest obstruction to Ascension–myself and my beliefs.
When I went to the ASA in NOLA in 2009, I avoided a social gathering with my fellow alumni to avoid him. I went to mass and confession instead. I told the priest (who turned out to the be cardinal, by the way)–I HATE him, this man, and I just don’t want to be that person any more because it’s not ‘me’. He fired me with a smile, and took my retirement savings from my work because I had four months left to be vested! The priest acknowledged my suffering, and asked me, gently, if I could see ‘Sugah’ as God does? I couldn’t. The farthest I could do was to be able to put him in God’s hand, and let it go.
Earlier this year, I was asked by Ross if I would go ‘to work’ at a certain conference. HE was going to be there. ‘Sugah’. I shook with fear and dread. But I keep my word to spirit, and offered to pay the money to go get my education units…even IF that person who caused me so much suffering was there running the show.
I ran into him on a flight to Seattle, by accident. The cart blocked the aisle. We had to use the first class bathroom. Anthony did. And the funny-looking grey haired man who came out of the lavatory and sat next to where I was in line was–YUP–‘Sugah’. I had my ring Ross used to wear on that man in a hurry. I ‘fell’ and it touched him on the shoulder.
Next I heard about the Sabbatical. There have been three lawsuits against ‘Sugah’ at my old work. Expensive. And although it takes special lawyers to go after the old place, and in the past people rarely won–boom boom boom–all three were decisions against ‘Sugah’ and his ways.
He’s not welcome at my old place either! But he can’t ‘leave’ so to save face he is on a Sabbatical.
I’ve heard this from two sources, good ones, who work there.
So yesterday for the first time, I saw him and heard him speak. I was nervous. Way in the back with Anthony next to me.
Could I separate the past and my pain from Now?
Would it be possible?
This morning, I realized that what happened was good, and it brought me here, and without ‘Sugah’, I’d never have made it. The hardest thing was eating breakfast yesterday, next to an old resident of mine, one of my favorite students from when I used to teach. She graduated under ‘Sugah’–and Anthony was telling her how he hardly ever has seen my mom cry (after she said something like that about her mom, also a doctor). He saw me cry when my dad died. And once at work when I went running down the hall in tears…because of ‘Sugah’–he didn’t have to say it, she already knew…but he will always remember my old work making me cry.
I also realized, that paradise is worth it!
Being in Hawaii is SO much better than the old emotions I’d had over ‘Sugah’–he really couldn’t hurt me. I changed jobs because of him, yes. I lost contact with everyone I’d known since training; my friends and colleagues in my department who had thrown me a baby shower turned into some horrible ‘Survivor’ episode where I was voted off the ‘Island’…But I found who were my true friends, I found new work, and even though I spent less time with Anthony than before, and got a lot less sleep, I was happier AWAY from that negative environment.
So what if I might run into him? So what if I have to listen to him to get my credits?
The Paradise is WORTH IT! And I’m not talking palm trees and the beaches–I’m talking about the Peace between my ears, the lightness in my heart, and my connection to Source–All That Is!
Right when I had that blissful realization–I was walking from the ladies room back to the hall at break, and he saw me smiling. He was talking to someone else, and I saw him position his body away from me, so as not to see me or interact with me.
He turned away! From my joy, from my smile, from my Light!
Just between us, I could be lawsuit number four. The statute of limitations isn’t over yet.
I couldn’t afford an attorney. Or having my life wrapped up in court.
I took my plea to Creator of All That Is.
And I know in the end, everything will work out for the Highest Good–and right at this moment?
I am healed.
This morning I woke up, and I caught myself with some ‘stinking thinking’–and I changed my mind really fast, telling myself, ‘I want to think GOOD thoughts so I can be closer to Ross!’
He was deeply moved, and cried.
The veil is budging…
Yesterday I did some things, and I have a great big lump in my throat even now as I describe them.
My honeymoon was on the island. I came here at twenty-three, hoping for a good life ahead of me. It was a beautiful, beautiful honeymoon, one of the happiest times of my life, in this incarnation. We went all over the island, chased chickens, snorkeled…I thought it would last forever.
Two years later, we came back on a ‘second honeymoon’ for Mark’s best friend’s wedding.
It was a very strange wedding. We thought Jeff Sage was gay, but he married a Japanese girl named Setsuko. Her parents didn’t seem very happy. Jeff had on funny makeup. And he LOVED Setsuko, and her fondness for rice. You could tell…
Jeff died of AIDS. The makeup was to cover the Kaposi’s sarcoma discoloration blotches on his face. Setsuko nursed him at the end. He died when I was just starting medical school.
Right before he died, I lay on the floor of my apartment, in La Jolla, and I sent my soul to visit him. To wish him good luck, and to let him know how sorry I was he was so sick.
He saw me! And he told Setsuko, right before he passed, he wasn’t so sure if God wasn’t a WOMAN–because of his vision of a beautiful glowing figure in while, a woman…
Jeff’s wedding was the beginning of the end for me and Mark. The abuse started then, and got only worse once I had my pituitary tumor.
Yesterday I went by the hotel, and the town, Kapaa. The hotel had been ruined after Iniki, but now it’s a Courtyard Marriott. I drove through the parking lot, just to be sure. Yes, it was the place!
And I have all these feelings going through me…It’s half my lifetime ago…the girl I was…the memories.
At dinner, Jeff’s spirit came to me. He asked me what I wanted? I didn’t want anything. He said, ‘that’s when the pain started, didn’t it?’
The last time I was here on this island was so different from the first–no longer was I a bride and loved!
Jeff saw! And here he was trying to make amends, and I didn’t want anything–but to do my journey, my purpose, my assignment, as best as I could and move on.
Today the tears start for me.
I know it’s Illusion.
And what’s behind it all, both the feelings from ‘Sugah’, and my failed first marriage–is guilt…the feeling I did something WRONG and brought all this upon myself!
That’s the horror! The unspeakable! The LIE that makes the Veil stay in front of my eyes!
The fear that I somehow caused my own pain, my own hardship, my own suffering, in this life…echoes the eternal pain of SEPARATION I have 24/7 from Creator, because I am here, in this life, Incarnate.
The feeling that ETERNAL JOY is not mine, that I will SUFFER, and furthermore, that in some way, I DESERVE IT, to be PUNISHED, to be away from my Heaven, and Ross, and everything I know…
I don’t want it. It’s not true. None of it. God and Ross and my family in Heaven Love ME no matter what; even though my choices may create Karma for me, and I might have to pay it…I am NEVER EVER EVER ALONE!
The separation from God is in my mind!
My heart never left. My heart is just as connected to Source as the day I was a spark of a soul floating around, brand new in the Creation Cycle.
Even if I can’t understand it. It’s like some amnesia, some blindness, some disability…but I KNOW without a doubt, where my soul goes when I sleep is the reality, and where I am now is the dream.
One day I will wake up. So will everyone else.
As a result, I feel freedom.
And tonight, I went to the place Waipoulu deli, the parking guy recommended. It was CASH ONLY, a hole in the wall, mom and pop in a strip mall, the gem of Hawaiian culinary lore…on a whim, I ordered the saimin noodle.
It was the same as my first taste of it in 1988 June! But it was in a different location? How could this be?
The owner had been in business for thirty eight years. And moved to this current location. She was surprised I remembered her old one.
That was my blessing of blessings, to have one thing not change from that happy time!
That was masterfully done.
The only thing that is holding you back from your Ascension is within. Just like with Carla.
It’s the buried stuff you don’t want to think about. You don’t dare mention it, even to yourself.
You hope it will go away.
It is what drives the crazy outbursts and the anger and the being wronged and the hate.
In Carla’s case, it was the guilt that was ‘too close to home’ for her being incarnate in the first place. That feeling that no matter what she did she was never going to get it right.
And Carla has ME. 24/7, 365, always at her side..and Carla is awake enough to have a relationship with me.
Carla KNOWS in her heart her relationship with me is better, the best she has ever experienced in this incarnation. But the pain of her old marriage, and how it went bad–was hard to let go.
It was hard to let go because Carla cried so many tears! Even once leaving a cart filled with groceries at the grocery store aisle because it was close to Thanksgiving, and she wasn’t going to have that warmth of the holidays ever again because she chose to leave the marriage that was abusive to her!
Carla made the right choice for her survival, and now she was going to have to PAY with loneliness at the holidays, again and again and again.
(And she STILL has it! With call, and co-parenting, she just doesn’t get worked up about it any more.)
There were not one but two things that Carla carried in her heart, for a long time, that were let go today.
So can you.
And you don’t have to go to Hawaii. (he taps right next to where you are right now–ed)
There is no time like the present.
Why not go into your cobwebs in the depths of your soul, and face your worst nightmares head on, face to face, like Carla?
You have nothing to lose! Except that which is connecting you to the Illusion, which no longer serves your needs.
Why not tear it off, and stomp it on the ground, just like Carla is doing with her victory dance and last lap around the track, waving it and dragging it just to be sure it is GONE from her eyes forever???
You can too.
It takes a lot of courage, but like my lady said, ‘it’s worth it, the Heaven, that is here and Now’.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Twins