I made it through the week. We all did. I wonder why it is that humans have week days and weekends, and for all the other life on Gaia there are only ‘days’?
My best from the day, was while I was meditating, Ross and Ashtar ‘popped in’. They were at the helm, and one was knitting and the other was crocheting as if to pass the time, and it totally cracked me up.
In the past I’ve accused them both of dragging their feet and not being ‘real men’ to ‘come and SAVE US!!!’…now they were getting me back, showing me how UNLIKE little old ladies those two really are.
In fact, I am enjoying the energies right now very much.
All is well.
At work, it’s been a lot, very much, super busy, long days and not much time for me.
At home, mom is sick again, and it’s just so very stressful. I live about forty minutes away, and my two sisters live closer.
I had to make the difficult decision from this point onward to ‘be the daughter’.
I can’t fight her medical battles any more. She has her doctors, she has her ‘sense’ of what she wants to do. It’s not really logical. But she hates hospitals and doesn’t want to go in. There’s this home health nurse who the hospital sends. And phone visits.
No one in my family, not even my own mother, has any idea how good I am at being a doctor, an anesthesiologist.
Not that it matters. I’m not giving them anesthesia, you know?
No one in my social contacts knows exactly all the tricks of the trade I have learned in my career, and how my bedside manner is, and how my PACU nurses adore me, for the way I get the patients comfortable and awake with a smooth course after surgery.
Today Jared’s girlfriend, Jessica, shared with me how she studied all day. She wants to be a nurse I think…
She diagrammed a heart, with all four chambers, the valves, the blood vessels, the electrical system.
I don’t think she knows I am a cardiac anesthesiologist, or that in my early training for surgery, I even worked with the surgeons on the heart. For most of my career, I was in the heart room. I know that anatomy like the back of my hand, and I know the physiology of it too, both in health, and when sick.
Does it matter?
I think not.
It’s a trip! Right now, the energies are very good (do I sound like a weather report) and I am seeing changes in myself day by day. I am ‘ON’ when it comes to my work and my patients. When I am with them, I WANT to give my one hundred percent.
I can see now, how in my work–which is exhausting physically, mentally, emotionally in and of itself–I am doing what I wanted to do. I am taking care of patients who trust me. Just like when I interviewed for medical school to apply.
It’s the system that has things so twisted that by the time a doctor completes the training they are so exhausted and worn out that they kind of don’t enjoy what they do any more (ever read the House of God? It’s a staple for new medical students). In that book, they call new admissions ‘hits’ and it really does feel like you are hit when a new patient or a new case comes along and you take care of things. Hours worth of things.
I see how the system works to change the feelings from simple to complex…through pain and suffering in the process of taking care of and relieving those with pain and suffering!
Anyhow, I have some trends:
- desire to concentrate on what I am perceiving Here and Now, and not reading up on a bunch of blog/channels for ‘confirmation’ like I once did. If you notice, I post less, partly because I’m so strapped for free time, and partly because I’m not really reading them myself. ; )
- patience, love, gratitude, acceptance–Big Time