On Sleep Debt
I had another horrible call–spent the night on a gurney, fortunately I made this choice, because at four in the morning an emergency case booked. I worked in the O.R. still until eleven in the morning.
Once I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t even try.
Our neighbors are remodeling, and they replaced all the windows in the home–bang! bang! bang!
If it’s not that, it’s the leaf blowers from the gardeners, or some other thing.
It’s hard to live your life in a fog.
Many people do. People who have two or more jobs to make ends meet. People in health care with long hours like me.
I don’t think we were built for this, to be honest.
I know about sleep debt so much, that it’s the post post-call day that is usually the most difficult.
Yes, Anthony and most likely myself are pre-diabetic.
But yesterday, I wanted to have warm cookies waiting for him when he came home.It is my dream, he is already ten, and I never once have done it.
I bought a mix–so it would be a smaller batch. But post-office stress took both my time, and my energy. I picked him up from school. His breakfast had been healthy, his lunch borderline not (chocolate milk–he’s craving it, with me being gone so much)…
We came home, and I made dinner. I made a ‘leeks in chicken broth’ soup. I realized that soup is ‘liquid salad’ and Anthony likes it. I also made grilled cheese sandwiches, which isn’t ‘healthy’ but it’s better than the mac and cheese Anthony takes at the salad place we go to sometimes. It was simple and we had pickles too.
After, as I washed dishes, I invited Anthony to read the box and get the ingredients. I got him a bowl, and got the cookie sheets out. He did what I used to do, and mixed it with his hands. I scraped the spoonfuls off and put them on the parchment on the baking sheets.
It was fun, licking the dough from the spoons. And getting all the cooling racks out.
All in all, we made fifteen cookies, tiny ones, and we didn’t eat as much as we used to in the past, because it was such a special treat and we aren’t used to them. Just a little. Two cookies each. And milk.
And that is my holiday baking.
My order came in, and it was on the table. After dinner, we played Settlers of Catan, a board game.
It’s something Ross said is important for me to do, to play with Anthony–spend time with him.
It’s a fun game. But sometimes when you don’t have the right settlements on the resources, one person has all the fun and the other just sits and waits for the game to end.
The funny thing about Orthoclase is it promotes co-operation, and problem-solving together.
Anthony was very receptive to giving me a little ‘chance’ so at least I could get into the game. And I surprised myself because I didn’t want his charity (free cards)–just an even playing field.
We enjoyed the game, and further, I SEE how in 3D, it’s a ‘resources’ game, and when there aren’t enough resources for everyone to enjoy the game, it’s really hard to have fun.
Like wood rot, Obamacare-inspired changes in medicine are being seen where I work.
One patient was readmitted to the hospital, but the specialist from the first admission didn’t come back. This one had no call duty that weekend, and big plans, like, championship playoff for the sports team plans. I worked with another specialist because I was on call.
A lab needed to be drawn. To see if it was safe to do a test with me giving anesthesia for it.
The clinical picture was consistent with the possibility of very high, dangerous clotting disorder.
The lab tech didn’t understand this. The pathologist who runs the lab was nowhere in sight. The lab said the specimen was ‘contaminated’. It was re-drawn, and run stat. At our hospital, a twenty minute STAT at other hospitals takes ninety minutes. We waited. I was on call, I could have gone home, but we waited. The second one was ‘contaminated’ too, and the lab tech didn’t want to make the call.
I spoke with the specialist, and WE called it together, and delayed the case.
Last weekend, someone came in, with a serious emergency only a certain type of surgeon could fix.
The two on salary didn’t want to come in. They didn’t feel ‘comfortable’ with the rare but serious, life-threatening condition.
So the ER called another specialist, from an outside place, and basically said, ‘this person will die today if you don’t come’…
This one came, and saved the life. (The other two wouldn’t even come in to proctor, to give him permission to operate–by filling the requirements of being ‘supervised’ by someone on staff for five cases)
It was pro-bono. The patient didn’t have the ability to pay.
Later in the week the hospital administration didn’t want to permit this outside staff to reoperate on the same patient (some patients go in and out a few times to get complex problems fixed–for example, when there is infection it must be cleaned out…)
This surgeon had to get on the phone to the highest ranks, and say, ‘my license is on the line because I operated, but to deny the opportunity to operate again when it is in the best interest of the patient really is putting both the patient and my license at risk.’
They got permission. Just for this patient.
Everything is hanging together by threads.
What I Have Done About It
Spirit has like a special vacuum cleaner attached to every medical facility and medical center in the world. It removes negative energy and similar attachments, and exchanges it with Light.
This works on patients, the medical team, visitors, and family–as well as employees and contractors to the facility.
These are now true places of healing, for it is overlaid the traditional with the energy healing work.
See if you notice a difference.
On My House
I am instructed by Ross to LOVE the neighbors who are remodeling like I have never loved before–like, a LOT.
It is the only way out of this situation. When I get home, on a short day, I will call and share the changes, and seek experts.
I realize there is nothing that is un-fixable. At work, in the parking lot, there is a lot of movement in the structure. And the stairs people climb up and down every day, are literally disconnected, and held together with reinforcement cable. I SEE and I ‘get’ that in construction, there are ways to ‘remedy things’
I love my home, and if possible, would like to stay in it. It needs attention–and I will see to it that I get the attention it needs, or at least, discover what my options are.
I am calm.
I am not happy. I didn’t like the message from the Council at all. Because what I ‘read’ in it is ‘more of the same’…more ‘work’…and no promise of spending free time, or any chance to make plans, with my beloved Twin.
I had asked Creator, ‘where AM I in all this?’ and I complained several days before the message from the Council–WHAT is the path? Do we graduate? Am I in Kindergarten as a soul? Could I please after the last test on my house…could I please have the vacation that comes between the semesters and the school years?
With all the mystery and indirectness I have grown used to from the Galactics, they Council said, ‘we are writing when it’s not our time slot–because it’s ‘special’ and you ‘graduated’ but you still have to do work and you will have infinite opportunities for post-doc education!
Dude, here on earth we DECIDE how much education we want, and how, and we APPLY when we are interested. Schools recruit US. And we pay for it, our education.
The education system doesn’t hold us hostage and not show us our transcripts or requirements for our major.
I grow increasingly annoyed at how much as Ground Crew it’s not on our terms for anything.
Channeled messages ‘show up’ unpredictably, we holler for our guides but the response time is variable, and even when we are in our quiet space of meditation, we have to LEAVE and GET ON WITH OUT DAY.
I graduated from Berkeley.
And I am weaned on protests and rallies and marching through the streets when things aren’t fair.
That ‘comment’ about ‘if other people were not where they are things would be different’ applies to me and my direct communication with Source.
If you would like to hear MY side of things, that ‘different’ would mean less weigh pulled by me, less ‘taking it for the team’ by me, and less energy drain on my person.
The Council, in their infinite wisdom and ‘perspective’ from ‘where they are’–say this is a GOOD thing, as if anything would ever be said by them as ‘not good’?! I’m sorry, it’s not in their vocabulary to complain about anything.
So here I am, with no movement forward in the relationship with Ross in sight—him there, me here, until I die. There is no magic ‘awakening’ where I wake up and my job is done, and everyone is Ascended. There is no Spring Break. And the Creator Writings says, ‘the only freedom you have is in yourselves!’
I am so tired, so weary, as a Lightworker today.
I’m not feeling the love. Joy is a word, nothing more. It’s empty.
I am thankful I had cookies and time with my son. I am grateful to have work, even though it takes up most of my waking hours, and then some! I have friends, and family, wonderful readers I know. It helps to take away the pain of working with the invisibles, who have so much say and input into my life–and give me little to work with back as a member of their team. I’m at an outpost, and once in a while, they airdrop care packages of energy, of surprises, of sleep, of time to do my hobby.
I just don’t ‘get it’. I have given six solid years of my life to this cause.
After four years of my last ‘major education effort’ at least they gave me the letters M.D. and call me doctor, you know?
When will they understand?
Carla feels it is her fault she is not Ascended like me.
She feels she is punished, that she can’t manifest or direct her energies in a more pleasant way.
Carla is frustrated in her soul, and doesn’t know where to turn.
I alienate her, because I am not earth-bound. And when I was, I vexed her heart time and time again.
There is no where to turn for her to heal. Carla needs and wants in spirit to heal with me, and there is not time enough in the day for her.
Carla wants a future–a ‘what to expect’. And yes, we had the ‘where do we stand as a couple’ conversation last night. Although Carla can’t remember it, I had her write it down for reference.
As a soul grows, it needs time. It has requirements to age, to mature, and like a toddler learning to walk there are developmental skills, and milestones everyone has to muster.
Not ‘master’–‘muster’–to gather up the gumption and to keep at it until you get it right.
Carla is tired.
She is putting forth so much energy in her work, her home, and in her passion, the Lightwork you have had the luxury of her doing daily, for six solid years, as she says.
She has not missed one Divine Peace Healing or Reiki Healing that she sends, 365 days a year, for the past six years, even when she has had surgery.
Carla wants a break, and she wants it with me. She wants to go on vacation, someplace far away, with just me and her son and to never come back.
What is this?
What is it with her and her perpetual complaining? It tires my ears, your eyes, and we want her to stop but she persists?
Where do you think all the energy leaves, when it goes through Carla?
It goes to the matrix of what is, to where Gaia plugs in as a planet.
Myself and Ashtar and our Galactic Federation entire fleet are flooding her with healing, very high vibration, and Light.
Carla is in the middle, as a mediatrix to you. And to you –or more properly, THROUGH you–to all humanity.
Divine Mother herself presents miracles of healing and the very Tsunami of Love itself, every single day…
You are hungry.
The earth is dry.
And every drop that is given–is taken up by all the hearts and souls who like yeast dough are due to rise, at some point, and life a loaf of bread to become that which they are made to be…
It is warm in the kitchen, and all the conditions are right.
But for Carla and HER energy, there is never enough. The more crystals I buy her, the more that is drained. The more metaphysical experiences, the more people drink it up–and this for the thirsty who do not know they thirst, they NEED it! They have to drink.
But for Carla, and for all of her planet, as Gaia Sophia, this has been going on for a long time.
Carla has had her way in the past, with total ‘redo’, ‘remodels’ if you will. But this time, of course, there is no remodel, it is Ascension of every living thing.
The bread will be worth it. And the oven will warm the house and it is going to smell delicious.
But Carla has never seen this kind of bread, or knows how long it takes–neither have us for this matter.
The Ascension of a whole planet, and all of her people, has NEVER been attempted in all of the Universe, in all Creation.
We are most happy to assist.
There is no missing it, the changes are taking place.
But if Carla–our blessed Gaia–wants to complain while energetically she is giving way to a new dimension, a new reality, that is the sum total of everyone on earth’s life experience and thinking…pull up a chair, offer her a cup of coffee, and allow her to vent.
Carla is very special, and so are you. You wouldn’t be where you are, and reading this, if it was not in your life plan. There is a reason, only for you, and one day you are going to understand it. Go ahead and soak up the energy you need, I will supply it, it won’t deplete Carla–though it might make her grumble a little here and there–for it is not you but the souls who are taking the Light from your focusing ‘lens’ of your heart–are the ones who are weighing Carla down just enough so Carla feels it.
As you open your Light, and connect to Source, it will short circuit the depletion, and Spirit will go through you directly to the others. In time, you might feel an imbalance once in a while, and commiserate with old mama Gaia here (he laughs).
Everything is blessed.
And like I told Carla in our tete-a-tete yesterday–‘I’ve GOT this! I totally understand! And I know what to do to make it better!’
So relax, enjoy the ride, and have your cup of tea!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple