How I Arrived To This Title:
I misread this: http://ronahead.com/2016/01/30/remembering-the-plan/.
Actually today has been a rough day. As Ross pointed out, it’s been six weeks since I came home from my last vacation. At the current rate of work, motherhood, and being chief cook and bottle washer (the buck stops HERE!) in my house, I’m done.
There has been much movement in my spiritual growth the last few days, and all of it is for the better…I’ll share a some but spare you the details of ‘where I am at’ in my ‘process’.
Ross Does It Again!
Remember how I last wrote how Ross said to go buy a lottery ticket? (It didn’t win)
I ran into the very mom friend I’ve known since pre-school and had been thinking of her.
Well, on Thursday, there was a HUGE shake up in my plans! The babysitter didn’t have a car and notified me about four hours before needing to pick Anthony up.
I had to scramble.
I switched called with another anesthesiologist. I was to stay late (Call 3) and took his call 6. I was out by two thirty, and managed to pick him up.
I stopped off by the store to pick some things up for dinner. I was in my scrubs.
A woman recognized me! It was Janet, with her son Christian (Anthony’s age) and her daughter (Kelsey). We had met in a parking lot by a mall by the freeway, and then taken an impromptu hike together.
Janet has experienced great hardship and poverty. Her husband lost his job during her pregnancy, which had complications. Fortunately, the insurance must continue through a pregnancy. But her husband was job hunting for a long time, and they had lots of assistance.
When I lost my job, Janet was the first to know, and we went straight to her house. A devout Christian, she shared with me ‘everything is going to be okay’, and gave me tea. Our kids had played together many times on the playground. We’d just lost touch.
She’s lost ninety pounds, and was starting her new job on Monday.
He husband has work.
The reason they were poor, is that she and her husband wanted her to stay with the kids. She had skills, and could have made six figures. But the home was paid for, and they were okay though the eight years of hardship.
Ross had planned it, I could tell, and I was happy to see her.
I was also happy to have not one but two extra people, just in case I need help watching my kid. These are good people who love Anthony, the mom from the lottery ticket place, and the other from the grocery store.
Dad came through yesterday when I went to speak with Tim Braun. So did Allison, who died–a mutual friend of Tim and me. And mom’s Aunt Caroline came through too.
The advice was very helpful. I was glad to hear from both Allison and Dad, but I’m sad because I miss them too. The ‘visits’ are always a little short.
Both I had asked to come.
Allison died of terrible pancreatic cancer. She had her body suffer so she could ‘make it to the highest level’ in Heaven.
In some weird way, our suffering is the price we pay to go UP higher, to ‘raise our station’ in the afterlife…so in a way, it is ‘good’ but it is absolutely miserable while we are here on earth.
I bring this up so that you might see why God isn’t putting an instant stop to everything–there’s more to it than meets the eye–all this suffering.
It still doesn’t make me like it.
Remembering The Pain
I did not like this world, the one of the middle east back in Ross and my time.
I liked the food, I liked the weather, I liked the location.
Ross and everyone looked like this in my time on earth with him incarnate.
This has been the bulk of my healing and growth today.
One on one with Ross, and later, with Divine Father, pouring my heart out, with tears, over being ignored, not listened to, and having no say in my own Divine Mission, which in fact was intertwined with his.
Ross cried too.
It was the advisors that got him off track.
Our Benjamin was lost to us because of them.
I said some things that were hurtful today. They had to be said. I’ve held them in for too long.
Ross says he is making amends. I said, ‘ISN’T IT A LITTLE TOO LONG?!’ but he was right, he said, ‘not for someone who wasn’t talking to me all that time!’
We are healing.
And it’s really slow.
Yesterday was a day off. I barely had time to drop off the car to be serviced, switch to a loaner car, drop Anthony off to school, see Tim, pick up the car, and pick up Anthony in time for his drum lesson and social activity.
He went to the mall with some friends. Long story short, I didn’t want to drive up at nine-thirty p.m. and have to go walking through the parking lot.
So I stayed in the mall.
It’s not the nicest mall. It’s kind of run down. And totally empty.
I had a ‘date’ with myself at Rubio’s. And I flashed back to 1992, when I discovered the fish taco in La Jolla when I was at medical school. I ate the same meal I did back in the day, on Friday night, when then too I was alone.
Although Anthony loves me, he naturally is going to want to spend time with his friends.
I don’t have many in 3D. I have one who moved to the Bay Area, another coworker who’d love to hang out, and also, a close friend who watches Anthony. I can pick up the phone and call. But, I’m okay with being alone…
Tim says my dad says I am running out of the energy of this house. It’s trying to tell me to move. I have the one year plan (put it up for sale, sell it, move to an apartment, and find a new house), the three year plan (fix the wall, then move), and the five year plan.
Either way, I must get out.
Yesterday I went to a part of Costa Mesa, that had REALLY good energy and beach energy there. I bought –for self care–new shoes for the operating room. (I wear super birkies).
It turns out this area also has zoning for chickens.
I realize a lot about myself. I like to be UP. I like a view.
I also didn’t want to ‘punt’–to just give up on this house–the mess, the clutter, the cracks and all–and ‘do over’.
I wanted to do my best effort here. It’s making progress. For example, today I got rid of my Nana Angelina’s two pairs of shoes my mom gave me. Because they hurt my feet. The course on clutter is working, and I am able to separate the emotion from the item. Yesterday I threw out all my notes from TEE–the echo certification I have that I worked so hard to get for the heart room. I haven’t set foot in the heart room for five years. I don’t need it. And it looks so much lighter in that space where all the notes and books were piled up.
Everything is connected–the mess and the clutter–and the lifestyle Ross and I had–picking up and traveling so much before the kids, then my staying home with our daughter while he traveled, my failed marriages, my many apartments and dorms in my life…the pain.
My father Richard gave me a nice compliment yesterday, actually three. One was how he made education available to all three of his girls, and I took the opportunity and made something of it. His getting me books I needed turned into all this we have here today…he was like, ‘wow, I helped make this happen!’…
My dream is to stay put here, and to make it eco-friendly, with Spanish influence, on the inside. I want to make it nice, even though there’s no ‘flow’ and the home really hasn’t made it easy for my lifestyle (I am on the go all the time, and the house is a little too big). It’s a townhouse, it’s narrow, and furniture doesn’t easily fit. It needs the smaller scale kind.
Given the choice, I’d rather get my life in order here, first, for cheaper mortgage payment.
And when Anthony is going to high school, we can make the ‘Big Move’…Ross says not to put too much custom into this house, as the new people won’t want it.
Yesterday I was assured by Ross, Joseph and my guides they will prepare a nice place for us next. I have given them my word, and will accept what they provide…
I realize as much as I want to just plunk here, and grow old, everything is changing around me. The neighborhood. My health. My neighbors. Nothing IS forever, even if you stay in a home. It’s a question of their finding the right place for me, at the right time, for the highest good of all.
I really enjoy my community–the pet shop, the stores, the post-office, the people I know.
I also know I can get to know a new community too, for I am friendly.
I envision a nice home, where Anthony can bring his friends when he is in high school.
Why don’t I count on Ross to come pick me up, like Prince Charming, and take me out of my situation?
I don’t know.
I don’t think that life acts that way. It hasn’t so far. Everything is always really slow, very subtle.
I give thanks for my blessings and let the rest go.
I don’t like to go into things of a personal matter for Carla and myself. Carla has her heartaches.
You will note that it is on the weekend, where nothing is expected of her, that I have Carla do her exploration, delve deep, and find her hard-wrought personal growth.
In this one, I cried, and I too have my tears.
It is difficult to be human, with a mission that is unclear and at times, daunting.
It is right now for her as much as it was for me then.
Carla looks back on all the times she shushed Anthony, the times Carla made him wait, in order to write, saying urgently to the innocent boy who wondered about his mother, ‘Anthony, I HAVE to write!’ as Divine Father was using her for His purpose…several years back.
Now it is not there. The seeds have been planted, the shoots are taking root, and Carla’s readers don’t ‘need’ her so much anymore as they once did. They are enjoying their own Ascensions, and doing what is asked of them. Only the newest of the new, and those closest to her as Spirit Family, continue to ‘stick around’.
Carla recalls what it was like to be a bride, how with all the excitement much of the emotional focus was not on her as she would have thought. Carla was a role, a bride, in each of her weddings, and there was much happiness overall. But the guests and her family did not have the consciousness to go outside their ‘bubble’ and reach out on this important day of all days–not once but twice!–to her.
Ironically, it was while walking with Frank in her wedding gown, in the New York New York hotel in Las Vegas, for her second marriage, that the strangers reached out with the most heartfelt wishes of joy and hopes for the couple!
Anyhow, we each have our cross to bear.
Carla is holding up under her burden — me–and the house, and the extended family–with acceptance, mutual support and no looking past it to ‘something better’.
Carla is facing things head on, in her view, as the most direct way to handle ‘things’.
And as she grows, the burden of the mess, which is the clutter ‘getting in the way of her living the life she wants to live’–are falling away, albeit slowly.
Carla has a heart that is filled with love, for all, and everyone.
Carla I want you to put the self-care video up on YouTube, and to also post it here after you publish it, as a P.S.
I want you to know through all of your challenges, they are worth it, and the pain you have endured shall lessens. All of it is worth it, in ways you cannot imagine.
And all of you are highly blessed for having the commitment to stay with us as we walk our steps…(he points to the stairway to Heaven…)
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple