Yesterday I made pancakes for Anthony and me. I had the day ‘on standby’ which meant NO four a.m. getting up, NO crazy morning rushing and instead enjoying taking Anthony to school.
To celebrate, I chose the Pandora station ‘Pepino the mouse’…
It’s the music of my childhood. And the very song I had in my head, the very first song, PLAYED when I started Pandora.
I was so happy, I was dancing in the kitchen as I was preparing the food. I was a little teary-eyed, because the people I used to listen to this music with, my dad, my nana and nannu, even my Uncle Ben–in one way or another are all gone. Mom is all I have left.
If you sing before breakfast you’ll cry before supper…
I remembered that old saying, and how most often in my life that one is true, and accepted my fate for the day.
Does anyone else besides me have their guides tell them what card to pick when they do divination? Mine are like, ‘third card, two, seven…’ so when I deal them in the layout I have the ones they want in the spread.
Ross and I are so close these days, and working very strongly together. He ENJOYED me singing in the kitchen, and Anthony rolling up the little chicken sausages in the pancakes. We skipped the syrup and butter.
On our little online Unicorn Oracle cards–after Anthony was at school–he told me which one to pick. It said, ‘flexibility is encouraged to get through your day today’.
I was like, okay…
Long story short, I had to go in to work for an emergency case that was not a true ’emergency’, but it was a coordination of two surgeons and me by patient need and also patient request.
I needed to be at the hospital by three thirty for a four-o’clock case. Both the patient and the surgeon were texting me to coordinate.
I didn’t really eat lunch. So Ross said to relax at my favorite sushi place with the little conveyor belts. I did. He also told me to eat up because it would be a long time until I eat again. I still haven’t had a meal…
Once at work, it was hard. It was a delay. I had made a bracelet for my patient, because I’ve taken care of them for two years now. This was the big surgery, the one we hadn’t wanted to do but was really necessary.
Once in on the case, the lines were not the easiest. There’s a lot of reason. But it was a critical case, and my job was all the more difficult because of technical issues with arterial and venous access.
The surgery took forever. I finished at one. Got home at two.
I checked, first thing this morning.
The difference between an anesthesiologist taking care of someone who is critically ill, and a nurse in the unit, it shows. I worked long and hard, and patched things together metabolically. And this morning, you could tell it wasn’t me taking care of the patient. This makes sense because nurses don’t sit at the head of the bed and stare at monitors the whole time like me. They have other tasks.
I ask your healing prayers for this patient. And the family.
All I could say is I went into my closet–where I meditate (I have a cushion) and I cried.
Ross was there.
I told him I need him.
He said, ‘why?’ and ‘how?’.
I struggled to find the words. I told him I couldn’t explain it and I didn’t know why, but I do. Still, he asked, ‘why?’ and ‘how?’
I said, ‘I need you like a baby needs it’s mother’.
Ross was very deeply moved by my faith, and my humility, to put our incarnate-disincarnate spiritual relationship like that.
It’s true. He is all that and more, if I could find the words for it.
He told me we will never have to say goodbye to each other again.
At this I bawled. I told him I hated the goodbyes.
Then he showed me something new: it was an alternate timeline for us in our past incarnation. We grew old together! I made him dinner every night, and he told me when he liked it. We had GRANDCHILDREN and I saw them bouncing on his knee. As we grew older, we talked about our ‘goodbyes’–even then I didn’t like it. And he explained how whoever ‘goes first’ would hold the space for the next one.
I saw him die, an old man, and he told me my love was everything he ever needed as his last words. I held the body, I cried, and I tended to it for burial, which was in a shroud deep in the earth. I saw myself go to his plot every day and talk to him. I saw myself failing in health. And I saw one day how he came back to me, in full health, in spirit, and took me home. I remember crying in his arms and saying how much I had missed him! It was so good for him to be back.
After this, I looked in the room, which was a total disaster and disarray, and the lawyer wants to come see the damage to the home. I have a LOT of cleaning to do before he comes! Everywhere!
Ross gently said, ‘throw everything out that doesn’t make sense’.
OMGosh that worked! It’s so much better than the daily OM course! I vacuumed and cleared with no problem and threw things away too.
As I was cleaning, I found a polishing cloth, for jewelry. And then–I’m not sure how exactly, but it was while I was seeing the tribe of ‘dust bunnies’ under the bed and pulling old socks out from there, a tiny piece of metal came.
What was it?
I couldn’t believe my eyes!
It was the very special pandora charm, the one with the symbol of Love from one Twin to Another, from him to me! I had lost it in the operating room. I KNOW. I heard it fall a short time after I bought it. I looked everywhere in the O.R. and couldn’t find it. On my hands and knees!
But here it was, a little tarnished, but still it! It’s a ‘stopper’, it opens like a clamshell. I polished it. And it’s on.
I trust in him, in all things.
No matter what.
Ross wants me to post recent things from online:
- https://gaiaportal.wordpress.com/2016/04/20/fenestrations-continue-in-hu-manity-globes/ this one means that the consciousness of humanity (we light workers are Hue-manity) are opening up, with little windows to let in the light–or shine it. Moderation of the continuity continues means that the ‘mass consciousness’ is being shifted in a smooth, almost invisible way above and beyond the ‘status quo’. The ‘layers’ are for example, how each of us are working together, and with spirit, for additional spiritual assistance to those in need.