Saul Audio Blog for Tuesday May 24th
As Jesus has told you, humanity’s awakening is imminent. I know you feel that you have heard this said many, many times, and yet it seems that nothing has occurred to confirm that humanity’s awakening is ongoing, let alone imminent! But, because you have listened to our messages to you from the spiritual realms telling you that your awakening is imminent, you have, as a result of listening to us, strengthened your collective intent to bring it about.
And, as you have also been told many, many times, the power of your individual intent, without mentioning the amazing power of your collective intent, is enormous and extremely effective. You are awakening humanity. Yes, each one of you holding the intent is making it happen. As so many channels have told you already, it is your intent that is making it happen. We, of…
View original post 1,034 more words
Jesus Audio Blog for Sunday May 22nd
These are interesting times! Much is happening in the physical realms that is quite unprecedented. The stability of many of your “democratic” governments is no longer assured as dissatisfaction with the whole political process among the citizens of these various countries increases. And the elected officials seem either unaware of the situation or are unwilling to address it. From such situations revolutions arise. Enormous changes are about to occur that will amaze and shock you as the real agendas of many in positions of power and authority over you are disclosed by disaffected minions and employees. Whistle-blowers are appearing everywhere with information that has been withheld but which should have been in the public domain. As this continues so does people’s dissatisfaction and that leads to change. In this case to enormous change!
All the disclosures about endemic corruption in high places are…
View original post 1,025 more words
I haven’t left the house for two days.
It’s been delightful!
For a person who commutes, not being in the car for two days is a treat. It was nice to have some time without Anthony. I miss him. I’m glad he is with his father, and enjoying some special time with his side of the family.
What was the best was I relaxed and watched the baseball game last night. It was a huge win, and I know Anthony was watching it over at their house too.
Last night, I was apprehensive to go to sleep. I slept in my clothes, and what is unusual for me–I prefer to sleep when it is dark in my room–I left the light on.
I didn’t want to have a rerun of the night before.
Thankfully I didn’t.
I have some feedback from people about the last blog post making them upset. A wise and gentle reader said, ‘It is her story, and she is trying to heal. If it upsets you then perhaps you have some things deep inside to face and heal too.’ I am thankful for her perspective.
For me, what caught me the most off-guard, was seeing the glory of the Archangels, and the healing energy, full strength. True to their word, the memories are gone and haven’t bothered me since, the ones from my immediate past incarnation, the one in which I lived prior to being born in this life.
The memories and working through them give me greater understanding of those who have lived similar experiences. I have compassion.
It also gave me the ability to detect similar ‘activities’ here in this life, and to focus and achieve the missions I was sent to fulfill.
The last part is my soul gives an eyewitness testimony from inside their organization…for all to see.
I finished all of the laundry. It’s folded but not put away.
Ross wants me to share about Anthony’s project. He is building a castle, for his Renaissance project. It involves popsicle sticks and a glue gun.
The child needs lots of ‘direction’–almost to the point where I apply the glue on each piece, put it in his hand, and help him assemble it. So far I have found the images of the castle layout, found the materials, drawn it to scale as an outline, cut the popsicle sticks, found the toilet paper roll and cups for the towers, and held things as he glued them.
I got a bad burn on the index finger of my left hand today. I almost cried. I couldn’t cook. I was going to make spaghetti and my blister was so huge and painful. I had lesser burns on my right hand. Anthony had to pull the burning glue and wooden stick off my hand.
I had us switch to Elmer’s white glue, which is cold, and doesn’t hurt. It sticks just the same.
We were able to finish the pieces for the castle and the walls. Next time we will assemble them to complete the project.
We spent three hours working on it. I wanted to go to dinner at Souplantation. I wanted to go there before, and he didn’t. He wanted In and Out burgers. So that time we didn’t go. That’s why this time, I wanted to get my turn and go there tonight.
This time, he wanted ‘something quicker’. He wanted extra time to play with his toy soldiers.
I was bereft. After all the time, after neglecting my bills and other correspondence, and after getting BURNED! (my wrist is better from the bleeding after baseball last week but it’s still painful and not all the way healed)…
I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to eat. It was eight o’clock, time for bed, and what’s the point?
I have this weird thing where if I have to fight over where to eat to get my way–I don’t want anything, and I lose my appetite. We have very little food in the house–and I offered to make a salad. It’s cold, it wouldn’t hurt my finger, and even if he doesn’t like it, it’s good for us.
Anthony decided to make us peanut butter and jelly for dinner. He said he would do all the work. I had a Capri Sun, then a ginger ale. He had a pepsi. We had peanut butter and jelly.
It was enough. And his caring helped.
We rested, and he played with his toys.
I had two major stressors one before dinner, and the other after…remember how we have new carpet? It’s cheap but really new, and nice to look at? Anthony spilled. He spilled taking an empty cup from his smoothie upstairs, and since he thought he only spilled it on him, he didn’t need to tell me. Well, the stairs have spots everywhere. I did my best to clean them. After dinner? I looked at him and he had a ‘toxic oil’ version of Slime that had been in with his toy soldiers. It was all over his white tee shirt, his light blue shorts, and the carpet. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Ross had just told me to ‘chill’–and lie down and ten seconds later there was this mess. I have told Anthony over and over NO LIQUIDS OR FOOD ON THE CARPET!
But I didn’t yell.
I cleaned everything up. I asked him to take off the dripping wet clothes in the kitchen.
New carpets don’t stay nice forever. That’s why later you need to buy new carpets again.
People are human. Anthony is a boy. He’s growing up but even grownups spill.
He LOVES having the living room empty of furniture. We only have a piano, a bean bag, a sofa and a chair. Now the carpet is filled with his soldiers, the little green men.
I haven’t seen him play like that for ages. I even took a picture.
I relaxed and read a book. Then I tucked in the animals for the night, giving them food and covering the ones who need to be covered.
Anthony asked for Reiki.
I used to practice on him every night. When I got to Reiki three he would fall asleep before the end of his treatment. He was ALWAYS hard to get to fall asleep! In this Reiki was a godsend! It also was a godsend too, because with the co-parenting, I could tell by his energy shifts in his body and his chakras if perhaps something had happened and he wasn’t telling me.
I gave him Galactic Reiki, and Gaia Sophia Reiki. Ross was on the other side of the bed, helping. Anthony watched the whole time. I told him Ross was helping and he said, ‘I know’.
In time, I will teach both of these to students who are interested. They are not widely known yet.
What I will share, is that the next-to-last symbol in Galactic Reiki, is the one that I automatically did on Anthony all those years while I was practicing my beginner Reiki, Reiki 2, Reiki 3, and above on him.
It’s his symbol. It’s the one between a mother and child, a blessing. It came to me–I don’t know how or where, but I always did it.
He’s sleeping now. Soon I will be too.
Never be afraid of healing the things that are unpleasant and uncomfortable to heal–from this life, and from past lives.
It’s worth it.
I don’t want a photograph.
There’s so much to be said, but isn’t.
I want you to read between the lines of my Beloved, of what Carla has written.
Even Carla can’t see it, on her own, without my pointing it out.
(he shows his hands making ‘footsteps’ in the air–one hand in front of the other–ed)
This is how we grow.
This is how we crawl, and walk, and then RUN!
It isn’t without falling.
Carla is very brave for taking her message to the world! Carla has courage that she never thought she had.
(one finger up–ed) But she does!
And so do you.
You aren’t crawling around like when you were a very small child. You aren’t skipping or jumping rope. You are climbing a trail to reach the top of a mountain!
You will arrive!
And all of us will have a grand welcome for you…when you join us.
I will take care of my Beloved. She has had a long day. She will open her eyes to greet me in meditation for a half hour, and then, close her eyes and sleep.
I have much to talk to her about…Carla is smiling with interest as she hasn’t expected it!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Twin Flames
Anthony is away for the weekend. I have no work. So I am ‘catching up’ with just about everything! I just washed one week’s worth of dishes in the sink. And there are piles of laundry to address.
Stephanie has contacted me from the other side. She passed last Wednesday. She wanted me to buy a bouquet of flowers. Our local grocery store had them with a citrus theme, and a small but cute fake lemon in it. They were on sale, and very cheerful, like the bouquet with the sunflowers her family sent me after a particularly long and difficult case. It was by the graduation bouquets, and her thought is she ‘graduated’ and wants me to celebrate her completion of this incarnation with happiness and not sorrow. So I bought it. She decided that lemons will be her sign to me, for most of the time she was critically sick, she was bright yellow with jaundice. I know it sounds strange, but with yellow, you can’t miss it, and now between us it is ‘her’ color.
Today I worked with phyllo dough for the first time. It was fascinating. I think I still need to figure out how it works. We had some berry pie filling, and I made ‘turnovers’. I still don’t understand where the butter goes. I tried to get away with not using it, and I see now it’s important to brush the layers.
This is the first of the ‘creative’ things I’ve wanted to try for a while that I actually got to do.
I look forward to working in the garden in a little bit. My guides told me to ‘start from the bottom and work up’ on cleaning the house. I’ll get to it.
I also need to share something about my old crystal store. The larimar spheres were calling to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about them. When I returned, my friend Joseph G was working. He had an AMAZING experience with Team Doctors With Reiki. He had been really down around his birthday, and made a Reiki Request. It totally helped. The effects were immediate and lasting.
I went and held the spheres and felt a funny warmth in my heart. This is the feeling I get when a crystal is ‘right’ for me. A little dizzy, very supported, and this warmth in my heart center.
I knew I needed them. And for my own spiritual development, I needed these two stones–no matter what the price. Just like when I had to wear braces–I needed them. Or like some people need orthopedic shoes as children. They help me find my way.
A lot of people do not understand how much money I have spent, and time, in my growth and personal development as a spiritual being. Since before medical school I have frequented metaphysical shops, finding the tools I needed, for example, runes and divination cards, incense and candles–books galore!–to help me awaken. I have taken many classes too–all the way up to Karuna Reiki Master. They were not free.
I like to think of it as an investment. You will know when it’s Spirit and not your ego–when things just ‘happen’ and you ‘sense’ it is the right thing for you. Your heart center will let you know it.
Always keep growing, and finding the tools and support you need. When it’s really important, Spirit will guide you.
I also now am at a point where some crystals cry to me to take them home–they don’t want to be used by someone who doesn’t communicate with them. One on eBay did this. And it was on sale–twenty percent off. So I am giving it a good home. I used to save huge chunks of larimar this way, too. I would in some way ‘protect’ them against being misused.
Freeing The Butterfly
This one is difficult to share.
I invite you to stop reading whenever it is uncomfortable for you. I actually wrote all the updates above and kept them long on purpose, in order to keep this part from showing up in the blog alerts on blogfeeds.
Last night on FB I saw a video posted by an animal rights activist about how ‘dogs are better than people’. There was a dog ‘protecting’ a dead one in the street and traffic whizzed by while the person filmed it.
Only to me, it didn’t look like ‘protecting’.
It looked like the dog was trying to hump the corpse.
I read the comments, other people saw this too. Especially people who were very used to dog behavior. They said a dog ‘friend’ would howl, and lie next to the one that died. Not mount it. Other people viciously defended the dog’s behavior–saying it was ‘protecting’.
It was a trigger for my past life as a sex slave to witness this behavior.
I just called it a night and went to bed. As I was falling asleep, I said to Ross and my teams–I don’t LIKE having this imprint on my soul! (the Monarch program instills ‘things’ that ‘pass’ from one generation to the next, and one incarnation to the next.) I asked, ‘Am I going to be stuck like this forever? Having triggers from THEM?’
The good news is my teams healed me. They made it so I can’t remember anything more than ‘it happened’ and vague particulars. How it happened is they had me bring to the surface the very worst, and to view like a movie my whole life in that immediate past incarnation.
I was created for this purpose.
I was defiled at six months of age.
All I knew was sex. I never saw another child. Only adults. And try as I might, I cannot recall any of their faces. It was like grownups with no heads. (This was part of the programming).
I saw how I was taught to do what I did, each type of sex act. By age two I was singled out and had intensive training. By age four I was doing what I was meant to do, at all hours of the day and night, with total strangers.
I was like fugu. You know the deadly puffer fish that if it’s not prepared right it will kill you?
That is why I didn’t see that many people. In the ‘organization’ having sex with me was a ‘delicacy’.
With the women, I would not kill any of them.
But with the men, I was taught to extend the small penknife-like sliding ring I always wore on the index finger of my right hand–I was a ‘kitten’ and taught it was my ‘claw’–and would insert it deep into the neck of the man who was ‘with’ me. I would do it quickly, make a slice with all my might towards me about an inch, and instantly be covered in blood. I was told when to do this–if something didn’t happen, then this is what I was to do. Then people would come and take him away and clean me up. Sometimes I would see them having sex with his corpse.
Just like the dogs.
I didn’t understand and I didn’t know right from wrong because I was raised in this environment.
Last night my soul cried out to Creator for forgiveness for thinking that because I didn’t know or understand it was wrong, it was okay. I saw for the first time, it really was WRONG–and even though I needed to do it to survive–I had a choice and I did it. I was sorry for what I did.
I can’t remember any of it now, after the healing. I used to see it like a movie, feel things, and relive it.
It was a blessing and a miracle for which I am filled with gratitude at the mercy of The Divine for freeing me from this imprint from the Illusion which was on my soul.
When you are in the world of Those Who Do Not Have Your Best Interest At Heart, this kind of sick sexual thing is ‘normal’.
What I want you to know is that the ‘builders’ and the ‘beautiful people’ who look like this (photos are NOT necessarily Illuminati people):
Chances are they experience the dark world like the weird painted sex dude and just don’t talk about it. It is hidden.
And for every ‘Queen B’ beyond-say concert, it is a tribute and a nod to the power of Sex Magick.
This is what makes the Illuminati ‘go’.
They harness the power of sex to create power, riches, fame. They do this according to some ancient rituals of a religion people on the surface think is ‘long since dead’–the religions of Atlantis and Ancient Egypt–which has been kept under wraps and very much alive.
The awards shows like the Grammys and the Oscars…the halftime show for the Super Bowl–all are filled with the symbolism of this ‘art’–which is layered among practitioners of this ‘faith’–by people who have genuine charisma, beauty and talent.
There is metaphysical power in the sex act.
Sex itself has been downplayed by society, by our Puritan heritage and our Catholic teachings–to be something that is social, or necessary for propagation of the species–and to be hidden and frowned upon by this ‘love-hate’ relationship our society has with sex.
The reality is, during sex between a woman and a man (who are hopefully in love)–the Veil is absent. The quantum mechanics of the energy actually for a short time disrupts and dissolves the veil.
Further, within the Illusion, all life is the result of masculine and feminine combination for reproduction to propagate the species (actually, there are budding yeasts and other hermaphrodite species–not EVERYTHING everything but almost everything. And my apologies to my gay brothers and sisters who I believe ARE in love, and doing something important metaphysical besides reproduction, but I just haven’t been shown what it means in this particular lesson or any lesson to date…)…
It’s EVERYWHERE around you–both what the eye can see–and what is HIDDEN by Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.
Why do I even mention this? What is the point?
It’s that in the Higher Realms, sex is different. It is perceived differently. It’s not ‘in your face’ but it’s more accepted a part of life than now. Just like Europeans look at it differently from Americans, but even MORE so.
In the Higher Realms, they know the power of it too, and it is used correctly.
Not that I can explain it. I’m still trying to get a grasp on all of it myself.
But for the record:
- sex is power
- the Dark Ones know this and keep it all to themselves
- they discourage the rest from having any inkling of what they are up to
- they encourage the rest to exploit sex without having a clue of what is possible through sex magick–it’s like they are leading the public down the wrong path on purpose
- they have deliberately embedded false perceptions of sex into society to keep the Veil as intact as possible (for example, the song, Icky Thump…and I’ll grant you, it IS icky to me too, to hear the neighbors upstairs! YUCK!)
- as we awaken this is going to have to change, and to go back to the original ‘perspective’ that Creator has for the rest of the solar system, galaxy, and all of Creation.
I have locked my sights on home, and I am going for it!
It’s a vibration.
It’s a vibration and a confidence I never had, and it’s affecting me in new and exciting ways.
This morning I was called in to a council I had never met. I was asked a simple question: what is your wish?
I asked for clarification. Is this for me, personally? or for humanity?
They said for me.
I want to have happiness together with Ross and Anthony–time to enjoy our lives.
Then they asked me, besides this, what is your next wish?
I said to do something I enjoy, for my work, but to have time to do other things too. Right now, I have too many professional and parenting commitments to enjoy any free time. I like to create.
They said fine. What else would you like for your wish?
I said I would like EVERYBODY to be able to enjoy their life and not be so enmeshed in THIS (I showed the freeway with all the cars and everyone driving to work early in the morning when they’d rather be doing what THEY want, not what their boss wants them to do.)
I was told by the Council that I will have all of my wishes come true.
I was stunned, and filled with humility and gratitude for this freedom. I asked, ‘Why? Why ME? Why Now??? How can this be?’
They waved their hands and said, ‘it’s the Vibration.’ (I understood it to mean that before this, the vibration on Earth wasn’t possible or compatible with such freedom, and now it is.)
The Stunned OR Staff
Queen Singing ‘All the Single Ladies’–you know who–has a concert and the radio station was giving away tickets. The callers had to correctly completely the partial lyrics of random songs by this very famous (and very influenced by Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart) performer.
Three people were finalists.
They had to pick the winner out of a hat.
Before they picked, I said the name of the one that would win.
Renee, the RN I’ve known for years, looked at me, astonished, and asked, ‘How could you do that?!’
The rest of the O.R. stopped what they were doing–I was waking up my patient at the same time because it was the end of the case–and stared at me.
I said, ‘I’m psychic. I have a certificate.’ (I do, I just got mine from Anne, I’ve completed my program, so I’m officially psychic now. LOL)
They didn’t know what to say. We just brought the patient to the recovery room.
I knew the winner because I FELT it. In a microsecond before they announced it. I just KNEW. Claircognizance.
This was a double manifest. For some reason I wanted an almond cake, single layer, about four inches diameter with no frosting. I was like, TASTING it. Right while I was sitting in the O.R.
And we don’t have almond cakes here in California. Not even almond croissants. It’s not our ‘flavor’ which is surprising because we grow so many almonds in the valley!
Apparently one like this exists in Switzerland. A friend told me and showed me a photo.
There was a huge delay, and I had to rush to start my next case. The following surgeon had been waiting. I brought my patient to the recovery room (PACU–post anesthesia care unit) and gave report to the RN.
Something made me feel like I should check the PACU kitchenette for any goodies the nurses might have brought in to share–so I wouldn’t starve.
There were candy apples and caramel apples! The hospital had given them to the staff, and the kind nurses brought some up for those who couldn’t go downstairs.
It was CLOSE! It had nuts, and was about four inches SPHERE, not layer. I sliced it and ate it quickly.
When I had seen the list of things for the celebration for OR Staff week on Monday, I had thought, OH! Caramel apples! I love those! I hope I get one! (then I forgot…LOL)
That’s why it’s a double manifest.
The New Self Confidence
Doreen Virtue’s card she put on Instagram ‘surround yourself with positive people’ REALLY has done good things for me since I saw it.
At my work, it’s depressing. Some surgeons make ‘lists’ of people they don’t want to work with.
Last night when I picked for my case, I found out that I’m on that list with someone who used to work with me. I don’t know if I’m slow, or they don’t like my blocks, or what. No one says anything to me to my face. They just have my boss tell me.
The best room of the day, and the second best room, had these other similar surgeons in it.
I couldn’t work there. Neither could most of the department.
I realized–something clicked inside me–and I thought, ‘It’s THEIR loss!’
I refused to let it hurt me, the rejection.
I realized too, that I made the decision to surround myself with positive people only. And THOSE were not exactly ‘positive people’.
They were control freaks who stress in the O.R., and carry the vibration of FEAR, which is incompatible with my Vibration at this point.
We are like Oil and Water, our energies don’t mix.
Socially, we interact at functions and the lounge. I think they are nice people, and they are friendly. In a genuine way.
What it comes down to is this: THEIR OCD is NOT COMPATIBLE with MY OCD.
I work with one of the meanest surgeons in the O.R. and we are the best of friends–and colleagues. This one makes people cry. But all it took was for him to establish trust in me. I looked past the bark and the bite and saw the heart. I wrote a prescription for pain pills for his patient, who he forgot to write between surgery and the visit to the office in the morning. The patient had refused to leave without something for pain. So the next day, my friend thanked me. We have each other’s back.
The Dormant Powers of Co-Creation Awaken
I am not afraid.
I used to be, you know, single mother and all that.
Gradually, ever so slowly, I realize just because I am a single mother, and financially responsible for EVERYTHING for both Anthony and my lives–I don’t have to let myself be treated like crap.
I don’t have to ‘suck it up’ and ‘take it’ so I can keep my job, if people are mean to me.
Spirit is nudging me to a new possibility, but not rushing it. It’s SLOWLY. And what’s reinforcing it are the thoughts, ‘I WANT to have weekends! I WANT to sleep in my own bed at night! I WANT to do something MORE with my many gifts…and not be stuck in the O.R. until I retire.’
I like medicine, I adore the science and the art of it. I love helping people.
But if there is ‘something new’ for me, I’m not going to fight it like I would have in the past. I’m going to welcome it.
Beyond My Old Crystal Shop
Prices for the crystals are going UP. Everything is $444 or $888 or strange numbers now on the crystals. I stopped by today. They are remodeling. The energy of the place has really changed. A LOT.
Every time I go, there are ‘seekers’–seeing psychics, buying crystals. For example, a woman walked in and said, ‘my sister is getting married in six days. What crystal can I buy for THEM?’
Instantly I knew the biggest piece of Amethyst geode, particularly the cabinet size deep purple one from Uruguay…would have brightened the space of their home…made it fast ‘forward’ for them…it MATCHED and I never met these people.
I didn’t say a word. I was in my scrubs. And the clerk said, ‘Rose quartz is good. Or emerald. Anything pink or green’.
And I cringed. This clerk had no idea what he was doing with the energy of the crystals. And the woman was looking at the tiny little crystals for use in grids.
Earllier I had gone to the jewelry counter, and looked at the earring display. That’s how for years I learned the nuts and bolts of the crystals. For my mean heart surgeon, I wore black tourmaline earrings when I was scheduled to work in the heart room. I also had a prehenite ring. I’d buy the stones that made me feel better–and the little card with the earrings told me what they meant.
Ross’ first ones for me were white topaz and rainbow moonstone. He knows how to pick them!
Today I had in my hand earrings of moldavite, sugilite, blue topaz, and one other stone–fluorite–earrings. I used my pendulum (Ross are you THERE? Yes! )…he guided me to the antique angelite ones that were only thirty three dollars (I kid you not!)…
From the crystals, I wasn’t FEELING them. In that section I was shocked at how poor quality the large ones were–many cracks, chips, holes in them–for really huge prices. There was one I wanted that was $888 and I found it on eBay similar for $99. I know my crystal prices now.
That’s why I’m outgrowing the place.
The ones I thought I would buy, with the pendulum–were all a NO GO. I was told to blow on them and bless them for the next person, and put them back.
The one for me was ‘above my nose’. I was told to look around the store.
The pendulum said, ‘you are not to find it’.
I realized the crystal that wants to work with me will find me.
I have a cathedral. Very small. Only fifty dollars.
It is a powerhouse. It’s going to help me find the Akashic records, according to this http://www.crystalgenn.com/metaphysical-quartz-crystal-description-lightbrary-or-cathedral/.
It is a teacher crystal–I feel it. And it wanted me to wash it. With soap and water. I normally clean crystals other ways. This one is guiding me, and wants to work with me. So I washed it.
I look forward to working with it in meditation.
I guess I had a lot to say. I just feel BETTER. There was a lady, a Filipino, sitting and asked me ‘what are you going to do with that crystal?’
I told her I am going to work with it.
She didn’t understand.
I said, ‘I am a psychic, and a healer, and I FEEL the crystals. I work with them in healing. I am also a doctor too.’
She asked, ‘what kind?’
I said, ‘An anesthesiologist’.
She smiled politely. I think she thought I must have smelled too much anesthesia gas in my career–the poor thing!
I smiled and asked her if she comes to the store often? She said it was her second time…
That’s why I need a new place to go.
I’ve outgrown it.
Yesterday was a day where I was able to manifest things without much effort. I was blessed with a good night’s sleep (post-call) and not being called in.
I had an unusual morning, energy-wise. I couldn’t seem to get ‘going’. Time slipped by, and I had to rush to get to my late start case. I had called ahead to see if the hospital needed me. They did.
But mid-commute, I was called and someone offered to do my case. I was a little miffed because I would have liked to have stayed home all day, and not had to turn around and go home. I paused while being asked permission to let others do my case. It was my right to keep it and to earn my day’s keep.
Then I remembered my niece.
She had been admitted to my old hospital–with hypovolemic shock following a severe case of the flu. Only the hospital had been full. So she had been in the hospital for two days, in the same ER room! I accepted the offer, and turned the direction to where she was.
Everything had changed so much I could barely recognize the area! It’s been seven years since I left. (Incidentally, my twenty-year anniversary as an M.D. is some time this month, not sure of the date. I came to this hospital in June 1996. My highest level was Associate Professor.)
I went to park and the parking structure is nightmarish. I found an old lady who was walking to her car. I stopped and put on my blinker.
Would you believe she checked her texts? Put her glasses on and off about three times? And she took off all her scarves? THEN she put on MAKEUP???
She knew I was there, waiting. And traffic was really messed up because I was blocking a lane.
But I wasn’t going to give up.
Next you know, a resident breezed past, and two spots over, pulled out and I got into the space just like that! I had waited ten minutes for that old woman–I had my little parking stub to pay–but Spirit provided just what I needed.
I also had to go into two separate entrances to be redirected to the ER one.
THIS is a place where my boy and I used to give the razzberry or ‘Bronx cheer’ when we would drive by on our way to Disneyland! I have like, almost PTSD from how I was treated here, how I was edged out by my group.
THIS TIME I FELT NOTHING!!!
It just ‘is’ or ‘was’…and it can’t hurt me any more.
I actually saw some people I knew, and some places where I had worked. I had to see the trauma rooms in the ER, for old time’s sake. (One building was torn down for earthquake ‘non-safety’–but the other still was the same.)
The clerk behind the bulletproof glass in ER admissions confessed she would NEVER come to this hospital–I explained how sad it was for my niece, and she said some people have waited in the ER for three days to get a bed. I told her it would never happen at my hospital.
My niece cried tears of relief once she knew I was coming to visit her. I have a feeling these ‘tears of relief’ are going to be a common thing once I get to know people, and the public gets to know me. These tears are very healing; it is a sign that the energy of Heaven is near, one is embraced by Unconditional Love, and all the defenses are dropped by the weary soul who is incarnate.
I just sat.
I stayed for five hours there in that room. My sister took a nap. My brother-in-law brought lunch from the cafeteria.
I hadn’t really eaten breakfast. Not a healthy one. But there was a second breakfast tray delivered to my niece’s room. There was an omelet with cheese. The family didn’t want it, so I ate it. I had a cup of coffee too. (there was a lot of styrofoam there–including the tray–I hope they upgrade it soon. I dislike styrofoam. Please avoid using it whenever possible. It is total havoc on Earth’s delicate ecosystems.)
Lunch made me smile.
I had a vow that I would never train for residency at a place that didn’t serve sushi.
I hadn’t had sushi in seven years at my new work, but my brother-in-law brought the trays of it, the stuff I used to live on all the time while I worked there! It was totally the same!
My niece and I were alone for a bit. I gently explained to her that she needs to ‘learn the language’ of medicine because her mom completely doesn’t speak it. There had been concern with her i.v. Her mother couldn’t communicate to the teams properly. She used words like ‘hot’ and ‘swollen’. I shared with my niece the words ‘infiltrated’ and to ‘look for blood return’ would have been better understood by the nurses, many of which are quite new. I also said that when people get potassium ‘riders’, the veins can react and it’s not uncommon for a vein to infiltrate after the kind of treatment she has had.
Medically speaking, I was more the sister and aunt than the doctor. If it had been my patient, I would have pushed to get a new i.v. and stay another night in the hospital. There are sound medical reasons to be cautious in her case. But for my niece and my sister, who AREN’T medical, the trauma of another i.v. insertion was not worth it. They wanted to be home.
It’s the funniest thing about my old hospital. Nobody pushes you around in wheelchairs any more. They have these ‘self-serve’ ones that look like modified shopping carts. Family members must push their loved ones to the ER and also to the car. I couldn’t believe this ‘cost saving’ measure when all the decoration and design is ‘pricey’ everywhere else.
I helped her to the car, and waved them off.
I stopped by the old outpatient surgery place I used to work. It’s all ‘dolled up’. It was full. And I found the old bathroom I used to use when Anthony was a baby. I’d changed his diapers in there once. It hadn’t changed at all.
Spirit is nudging me in a new direction–and my old ties to my places of work–San Diego too–are being emphasized. This is happening at a slow pace, and I’m thankful for the guidance.
I went straight from the hospital, to Anthony’s school. We briefly stopped home, and then he had a band concert.
He played well. Again, I had someone to sit next to, a friend and fellow single mom. Our boys have been together since kindergarten. That’s been seven years too.
Creator Writings yesterday said, ‘It’s not what people say about you, it’s what you think about yourself’.
I hardly ever think of myself.
I just AM.
I am Love that Walks Around On Two Feet.
I am Love in Action.
I go where I am needed.
Last night, in meditation, I almost got the same feeling I used to get when I remembered being a Seraphim, in that room with all the light, where we–all of us–gave Glory to Creator. I LIKE that room, it’s the best feeling I ever have had. I remember the humming sound we used to make with our wings.
Last night, it was just silent connection to Source. I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to speak. I just WAS and I enjoyed being in the energy of Creator, the field of Love, that communicates everything without saying a single word.
Carla is having a rough patch.
Carla is overwhelmed by all her accomplishments and concerns. (he moves his hands kind of like he’s juggling–ed).
Carla is trying to make ‘all the pieces fit’…and she CAN’T.
This is IMPOSSIBLE from the perspective of being incarnate.
(one finger up–ed) But I can see!
(he flashes the story of the tapestry God makes of our life—ed) From where I sit, the design is completely beautiful, and never before created.
The same is true to you and your life stories too.
Hold on to them. They are precious and dear. You do not need to understand them.
(he flashes a picture of little children painting–some finger painting, some with brushes–totally absorbed in the process–ed)
I am very very proud of what you are doing–creating new life for yourself and others!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple